@DaBusTp: Birds that land and then WALK across the street... what the hell is wrong with you?
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@JohnLyonTweets: C'mon, when have I ever let you down? That was rhetorical, actually. Yes, that is a lot. Wow, did not expect you to bring out a chalkboard.
@ClichedOut: HOW TO BE A LAWYER: Witness: I saw your client do it. Me: Allegedly. W: No, I did. M: Allegedly. Judge: That's argumentative. M: Allegedly.
@juliussharpe: Forgot we bought a Christmas tree. Woke up at 2 a.m., went to pee, thought it was a guy and almost called the cops on it.