@peterjames48: Birth certificates need a popup dialog box: "Are you SURE you want to spell your kid's name that way?"
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@1Happytwit: A really fat friend sat on her cat, long story short - now I can add search & rescue, proctologist and vet to my resume.
@1Happytwit: Kids don't scare me cause their little arms aren't strong enough to swing a chainsaw.
@SirEviscerate: DAREDEVIL: When I went blind, other senses sharpened to compensate for the loss. *licks a doorknob*
@LindaInDisguise: Listening to a global economy futurist. Pretty sure in 20 years Chinese parents will say "Clean your plate, people in the US are starving."