@markydoodoo: Birthdays were invented by big wax corporations to sell more candles with numbers on them.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@KeepsItRustic: Someone praising you is also someone being judgmental. The difference is that you like the verdict this time.
@ExcuseMyTweets: The Bank of America app randomly disappeared off my phone and now I'm wondering how much money I spent last night.
@doccy_style: Scientists discover that caterpillars can whistle. Am I the only one wondering if they're concentrating their efforts on the wrong things?