@markydoodoo: Birthdays were invented by big wax corporations to sell more candles with numbers on them.
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@mydanimarie: Kind of cruel how preschool and the Muffin Man teach girls that they might one day find a guy made entirely out of muffins.
@TheCareBare: "Baby last night you were so hot, let's do it all over again this morning." -me, speaking to this leftover pizza.
@jordan_stratton: I'm sorry, sir, but your cholesterol isn't high enough to buy this Hawaiian shirt.