@markydoodoo: Birthdays were invented by big wax corporations to sell more candles with numbers on them.
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@Hobo_Splendido: Apparently the maximum number of times you can keep getting back in line for Communion wafers is 4.
@SardonicTart: *Hires life coach* "Ok, the first thing we have to do is get you off this couch and get you moving!" *Fires life coach*
@ghostkrogh: every time i think i've met the perfect girl it's three raccoons in a trench coat who rob me again