@trojansauce: *bites into tuba sandwich and breaks teeth* damn autocorrect
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@birbigs: Instead of presents, give your kids "presence." Then explain how homonyms can be hilarious. Then leave forever.
@Reverend_Scott: Fun Fact: Valentine's Day was created by a woman than didn't get what she wanted for Christmas.
@starwarsshirt: I don't have jealousy issues, but I do have "flirt with my boyfriend one more time and I may have to cut you" issues.