@envydatropic: Black Friday deals but at the pharmacy
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@mrtruthandsoul: If you see a porcupine in your yard, that's my cat and we're not done with our accupuncture session.
@Underchilde: My girlfriend told me to “tread lightly.” So when I ran over her, I drove really slow.
@carlyken: A psychiatrist is just a friend you pay to listen to your problems because your other friends are tired of hearing about them.