@GrantTanaka: black friday is crazy, I just maced a kid then some old woman shot me with a crossbow
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@TheCatWhisprer: Based on her reaction I don't think my toddler will ever forgive me for gently wiping her face.
@SuperJuanderer: If a spider attacks you, you should play dead. No, wait... that's for a bear. If a spider attacks a bear, you should play dead.
@TheMichaelRock: Found a baby snake in my backyard while mowing. Long story short, I don't have to mow anymore since my yard is on fire.