@GrantTanaka: black friday is crazy, I just maced a kid then some old woman shot me with a crossbow
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@aRealLiveGhost: to someone with x-ray vision two people making out look like skeletons that are really bad at eating each other
@MartaEffing: I joked at school drop off that the white stuff on my kid was powdered sugar, not cocaine, but I took it too far by rubbing some on my gums.
@SteveDutzy: Zelda: Why aren't you mowing the lawn? Link: It's raining Z: No it's not L: *Plays Song of Storms* Z: You're sleeping with Epona tonight