@GrantTanaka: black friday is crazy, I just maced a kid then some old woman shot me with a crossbow
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@simoncholland: My wife asks me to remind her about stuff. That way if she forgets something, it's my fault.
@ComedicBust: Sometimes I'll casually say "what else do you want?" on the phone, so the pizza guy thinks I'm ordering for more than just me.
@Marlebean: [ Anything I buy from now until Christmas, I consider it a gift... ] Kids! Close your eyes and hold out your hands! "Toilet paper?!"
@TechnicallyRon: The Mens Rights subreddit did a poll to show how diverses their users are. They are 80% Single, white, 18-24, american males. HAHAHAHAHAHA