@GrantTanaka: black friday is crazy, I just maced a kid then some old woman shot me with a crossbow
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@ValeeGrrl: My daughter called Neapolitan ice cream "three-way" ice cream & I'm not sure I'll correct her cuz I'm a horrible person & it makes me laugh.
@nbadag: [runs up to a group of people] ME: ZACK ATTACK GUY: lol is your name zack or— [thousands of bros crest a nearby hill] ME: [whispering] RUN
@yourpencilskirt: No I don't think you're stupid, I just think you have real bad luck when it comes to thinking