@peteec: BlackBerry's are great phones to have if you're time traveling to 2005 and don't want people to know you're from the future.
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@astutenewf: When I call a family meeting I turn off the house wifi and wait for them all to come running.
@JP_theAntiHero: Dude turned from the ATM and tripped sending about eight 20s flying into my face. I teared up a little. I get strippers, I get it.
@murrman5: *takes your order* *goes to kitchen* *comes back* "did you say grilled cheese or gorilla cheese?" grilled *sighs* *goes to kitchen*