@karencreets: Blah blah blah employee handbook, just get to the point where you say if you're gonna drug test me or not
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@Playing_Dad: [Batman villain naming meeting] Ok, name the guy who asks all the riddles. "The Riddler?" GENIUS! OK, how about the woman dressed as a cat?
@ericsshadow: [at my high school reunion] Hey guys, remember last year when we toilet papered Mrs. Krebb's house? "Dude that was in 1991."
@QwertyJones3: [Me as an Italian language translator] Police: Ask him where the money is hidden. Me: Spaghetti tortellini Benghazi Fibonacci cappuccino.
@BritXNic: For every person pleased at meeting their TC in real life. Another 762 are climbing out of bathroom windows and smashing their phone.