@NotthatAdamWest: "Bless your heart" is southern for "I'm pretty sure you were dropped on your head as a child."
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@bourgeoisalien: The older I get, the less judgy I am of Norman Bates spending his life with a dead lady in a chair
@QwertyJones3: *Girl comes out in a slinky dress* ME: Ooh that looks like fun *I push her down the stairs*
@onion_an: Gf: Remember that night we had unprotected sex Me: Yeah Gf: I'm having twins Me suspiciously: We only did it once why's there two babies