@Kid_topher: In high school, people called me "Superman" due to my light eyes and physical build. Also because I wore my underwear on top of my pants.

@HopeUproar: Go to Target for shampoo. End up leaving with a blender, new pajamas, a couch, four kids and a car.

@ppppolls: 30% of Republican primary voters nationally say they support bombing Agrabah. Agrabah is the country from Aladdin. #NotTheOnion

@saraheliza83: Kill them with kindness, you say? *slowly and sadly puts down bazooka*

@JermHimselfish: I got everyone a pet snake for Christmas but you have to catch it, they're in my house, they're everywhere, please come get your snake.