@MarlonBrandNO: Blind Date: SWEET JESUS I DONT HAVE ANY EYES
Me: Of course you don't, you're a date
Blind Date: WHAT
Me: Kind of like a big raisin
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@AtticusFinch79: *taking training wheels off my old bike* Mom: You're not ready for this. Me: I'm 37, Mom. I've got this. *starts pedaling; hits a tree*
@DopeyMeme: Emailing teachers be like Me: *polite greeting, multiple paragraphs, perfect grammar* Professor: "sure" -sent from my iPhone
@AimeeHelene1: (Gamblers Anonymous meeting) Leader: Bob, tell us why you're here. Me: $20 it's a Blackjack addiction. Group: *all rushing to place bets*
@Reverend_Scott: [stubs toe] "GOD DAMMIT" God: No problem, bro. [toe goes to Hell]
@SirEviscerate: You guys, I just submitted a tweet to Twitter, and they accepted it and put it on their website!
COMMENTS