@tastefactory: BLIND DATE TIP FOR WOMEN: Throw a fork into the wall behind ur date so he has to turn around, to make sure he doesn't have a hidden ponytail
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@Shot_Of_Cabo: (CPR class) Wife to instructor: What if my knees start to hurt? Me to instructor: See what I'm up against?
@sofarrsogud: WHAT I SAID: Woah! You look like Tina Turner on meth. WHAT I SHOULD'VE SAID: Good Morning Honey.
@iAmDelFreaky: I was practicing moves on a stripper pole, when all of a sudden I heard a loud ringing. Then 3 firemen fell from the sky and crushed me.