@1Happytwit: Blood is thicker than water and a lot harder to clean off the walls.
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@PaperWash: dad: I AM VERY DISAPPOINTED IN YOU YOUNG MAN son: HI VERY DISAPPOINTED IN YOU YOUNG MAN IM GREG dad: omg [sheds a tear]
@1BigMick: When I drop my son off at school I do one arm pushups at the entrance to let the other dads know that's what's up. But they're all at work.
@Iwriteforcats: Meteorologist - Be horrible at you job and no one really cares. Pizza Delivery Driver - Be five minutes late and people lose their minds!