@1Happytwit: Blood is thicker than water and a lot harder to clean off the walls.
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@Thynebear: Next time you take your dog for a walk, dress like a cop & pretend to be searching the neighborhood for drugs.
@kylekinane: I ate a tomato slice off the carpet. And some lettuce. And some bleu cheese bits. And mushrooms. I'm saying I dropped my salad on the floor.
@seamussaid: my wife and I do this Batman role play where I disappear mid conversation like with Commissioner Gordon
@PiratedTweet: One day an iPhone is going to explode, and Samsung users are going to be like, “Samsung has had this feature for years”.