@1Happytwit: Blood is thicker than water and a lot harder to clean off the walls.
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@flashember: [Cop questioning suspected watermelon thief] COP: *squints* Was it you? GIRAFFE (who has watermelon-sized bulge halfway down his neck): Nope
@RandomManik: Everything brightened up when you came into our presence. - Food in my refrigerator.
@Papa_Mex: Some people are too chipper early in the morning. They don't realize how bad it is for their health.....until I'm choking them