@1Happytwit: Blood is thicker than water and a lot harder to clean off the walls.
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@shariv67: If your phone rings during a movie, answer it "Yes, Mr. President. Right away, sir!" And then run head first through the screen.
@BlondAmbitionTO: Why do people leave mattresses on the side of the road? Do they really think someone will take it? Do you think I should wash it first?
@LoveNLunchmeat: No thanks, body wraps. If I believed magic would make me thinner, I'd eat a wizard.