@1Happytwit: Blood is thicker than water and a lot harder to clean off the walls.
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@theroneman: [mom sneaks up & scares son; ruins coloring] Narrator: Does this happen to u? Then u need... [cut to mom jumping on 1 foot & yelling] Legos
@bourgeoisalien: Probably the hardest part about being God is deciding between two equally terrible youth soccer teams that have just prayed to win.
@LuvPug: So I was all like Gal-lee-lay-oh And he was all --- And I was Gal-lee-lay-oh And he was --- And that's when I knew it wasn't gonna work out