@nPhelendriqal: Blood is thicker than water, but rhinoceros poop is thicker than blood, so..
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@CrackYouWhip: Just saw a fat woman lick icing off of her sleeve so that is the last time I eat in front of a mirror.
@rolldiggity: 1. Take dozens of pictures of yourself sleeping. 2. Put them in coworker's drawer. 3. "WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!?!"
@HatfieldAnne: This is the year I declare war on harmless euphemisms. First up: “It defies physics.” No, it doesn't. Nothing does.