@SuperJuanderer: Blood is thicker than water. Then again, so is oatmeal, and I would much rather be oatmeal brothers.
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@dumbbeezie: Cashier: Next Me: Why are these fingerless gloves full price? Cashier: Oh shit it’s you again
@MooseAllain: In the UK we call them lifts but in the US they call them elevators, because we’re raised differently.
@craydrienne: Twitter: your jokes suck Instagram: your face sucks Snapchat: your life sucks Facebook: your family misses you and is also racist