@Howiesbookclub: Blood oranges at the farmer's market. What am I, The Lord of War? Peddle your conflict fruit someplace else.
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@LFdiepretty: Calm down, I'm only asking for your last name because I want to check how well it pairs with the baby names I have picked out for our kids.
@TheGladStork: Wife: why are you smiling? [realizing if Blue from Blue's Clues and Clifford had puppies they'd be purple] Me: I was thinking about you.