@Howiesbookclub: Blood oranges at the farmer's market. What am I, The Lord of War? Peddle your conflict fruit someplace else.
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@WheelTod: *hijacks plane *kills pilot Me *turning to friend: "OK. Now fly this thing!" Friend: “I can't fly a plane” Me: “But you told me you were a master of the skies!” Friend: “No. Master of *disguise*” Me: “Then why the heck are you dressed as a pilot!... Ah OK I get it now.”
@EliTerry: Many people are surprised to hear I'm married because I scream it at them as I descend from their broken skylight in the dead of night.