@RatBatallion: Blowing your load on a girl counts as a baby shower right ?
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@Rachelnoise: My decorating style is calculated placement of sentimental things around the house, so after I die, my husband can't get laid.
@Book_Krazy: Whenever I seductively unbutton my pants, I always maintain full eye contact with the waiter so he knows I want more table bread.
@TheTimmyToes: (car dealer) is the passenger seat also heated? "Aww for ur wife?" *imagines putting a fast food bag on warm seat after the drive-thru* yes
@better_off_dad: Marriage counselor: So, what are we dealing with here? Me: Irreconcilable differences. Her: Football & beer.