@caseytduncan: (Blows you a kiss with chip crumbs hitting your face)
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@hiitsmolly: all ramen noodles come from one impossibly long noodle of disputed origins. no one knows how much is left or what will happen when it's gone
@theshantilly: "Ma'am, are you aware that you were going 92 in a 55? I'm gonna need you to step out of the car." "Um, I have a boyfriend."
@Manda_like_wine: Son, your father and I have something to tell you - you were adopted. Your new parents are waiting outside in the car.
@Browtweaten: Me: You said everything in here was edible Willy Wonka: Yes, but- Me: *takes another bite of Oompa Loompa* Tastes like a circus peanut