@donni: Blue cheese dressing makes anything a salad. For example, this french fry salad I'm eating right now
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@i_wantMyBiitch: Never ask Google for relation advice. I've gone from small disagreement to getting two mails from divorce lawyers in three clicks.
@WilliamAder: We have a local weatherman who often forecasts "changeable skies." He makes a lot of money to make that call.
@JohnLyonTweets: I thought this house was haunted by a ghost but it turned out it was Bruce Willis the whole time. Also, I broke into Bruce Willis' house.
@Douchekevin: I'm the perfect man if you don't factor in looks, depth of character, emotional availability, intelligence or financial well being.