@TheOnion: Bobcat Escapes National Zoo
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@Matt_The_1st: "Dad, you were at 63%, so I unplugged your phone to plug mine in" *Drives ex-son to homeless shelter
@fricken_jess: Cool story bro, needs more dragons and shit - how Game of Thrones started, probably.
@skickwriter: I stole one of those Krispy Kreme "HOT NOW" signs and hung it over our bed because good communication is important in a marriage.