@_davidlucas_: If I reject your call the first two times, ring me again. I'm really just testing your resolve.

@aneesa_p: I only have 4 months left on that mirror I broke in 2005.

@novicefather: I DO help with the laundry. My wife just doesn't understand. I wear the same jeans for like two weeks straight.

@Sickayduh: "The Jetsons and Flintstones existed at the same time. One in the sky, one on the ground, and both in a post-apocal-" "Juror is dismissed"

@E_Ville13: Nobody suspects that you're digging a grave when you're always working on your landscape.