@JustCallMeC_: "That looks interesting. I think I'll eat it." - Sharks and Toddlers

@petemandik: Ugh, once again scratched my monocle falling asleep on my pile of gold coins.

@shawnspree: Squiggly line squiggly line space Squiggly line squiggly line space Squiggly line squiggly line space ~me reading Arabic DM

@osno13: Are all females on twitter moms? Is my mom here? Mom? You there doin drunk tweets?

@Shock_Monster: HR: Let's talk about why you were late today. Me: I told you! HR: DRAGONS AREN'T "RELIABLE TRANSPORTATION!" Me: Duh. That's why I was late.