@nPhelendriqal: "Boint, B-U-R-N-T, boint." - mafia spelling bee.
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@slimmy_shady: Kissed a receipt to lighten my lipstick but I need it to return something & now some cashier is gonna think I'm flirting.
@iamspacegirl: Dad Dragon: If we weren't supposed to eat them they wouldn't come w plates and toothpicks now finish ur damn knight Teen Dragon: I hate you
@bessbell: Would u watch a movie about a teenage boy who screams "I wish I was dead," but God hears "Deb," so he turns into his 50-yr old neighbor Deb?
@audipenny: When someone tries to argue with me I'm like "hey pal let me stop you right there" and then physically turn them around to face someone else