@Mr_Mike_Clarke: Boom, boom, ching!
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@thenatewolf: *stuck in elevator with beautiful woman* I know it's only been 10 minutes but I'm gonna take a poop ok?
@internetluke: [calls up friend] Remember when you said I wouldn't ever make it on TV? Well turn on the news! "Okay, but why are you calling from jail?"
@thejessbess: Waiter: Did we decide? Date: Yes, I'd like the Sirloin. Medium rare. Me: And I'd like the Remix to Ignition. Hot & fresh out the kitchen.
@RidiculousSheri: Nobody harasses you on the street when you walk around wearing a belt made of live cats.