@weinerdog4life: Border Security Idea: Make the door to Mexico too small for sombreros.
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@Brampersandon_: [COPS] *into radio* We've got a drunk man in the park who thinks he's a lion tamer. "SIR! PUT THE WHIP DOWN & STEP AWAY FROM THE CAROUSEL!"
@RandomManik: Fool me Once - Shame on You. Fool me Twice- Shame on Me. Fool me Thrice- What are you, a Nigerian Scamster?
@SCbchbum: I doubt anyone’s actually “dying” from seeing a cute baby picture on FB, but we can always dream.
@caseytduncan: I hate when friends send me home with leftovers in plastic containers. "Here, you throw this food away and then clean the containers."