@hurlarious: Bored? Find group photo of 4 women on Instagram. Comment "You 3 look incredible!!"
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@KentWGraham: When I awoke from the car accident in a full bodycast, my wife was right at my bedside to let me know that childbirth is still more painful.
@hipstermermaid: The year is 2030: All corporations have merged and every night before bed you say a prayer to your cable company.
@Donna_McCoy: Replace someone's MRI with a dancing skeleton gif once, and you'll never be asked to deliver bad news again.
@tehaveragejoel: things I'm passionate about: The Rule of Threes, self referential humor, and the Oxford comma.