@ferranticathy: Bored, go into a fitting room wait a couple minutes then yell, "where's the toilet paper"
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@iLikeCatShirts: Oprah says we all have a small child inside of us longing to get out & omg why isn't anyone talking about Oprah eating children?
@BBQJones28: When someone favorites instead of retweeting me I comfort myself by thinking "they're just keeping me to themselves"
@QwertyJones3: Giving people the finger while driving just isn't effective. Which is why I had the catapult installed.