@CakeThrottle: Bored? Sneak a dog into the movies and loudly explain the plot to the dog
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@GoldenSpirals: He tripped, and the laundry basket fell to floor, spilling clothes everywhere. I sat back and watched it all unfold.
@internetluke: [snapchat HQ] Boss: anybody got anything good? Guy (who smoked weed instead of working): people with big eyes puking rainbows?
@ValeeGrrl: Husband: *hacks up lung* I think I'm comin down with something Me: lol ok whatever Kid: *tiny cough* Me: OMG MY POOR BABY COME TO MOMMA