@CakeThrottle: Bored? Sneak a dog into the movies and loudly explain the plot to the dog
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@Bob_Heller: Lions do NOT share. If you try to give them half a hoagie, they will take it, plus your half, plus your arm, plus I am inside a lion.
@OBiiieeee: Took a poop without my phone. Had no idea what to do with my hands. Did the Macarena. What a day.
@CulturedRuffian: Waiter: Would you like regular or decaf? Me: Do you want me to tip you with real money or Monopoly money?