@enclaire: Bored, so I'm going to find a kid that looks like me and tell her I'm her from the future.
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@KeetPotato: wife: "just break it to him gently" me: "ok ill try" [tucking son in bed] me: [opening story book] "once upon a time your grandma's dead"
@laughandrun: If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple thank you is all I need. Don't concern yourself with how I got in your house.
@Jennuflect: [taking my final breaths after a freak accident] Tell my family I totes love them *gasping for air* but like, roll your eyes real hard