@LMFOFL: Born to be mild.
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@matt___nelson: [angrily taking off banana suit] "Why didn't you tell me we were going to a funeral"
@thenatewolf: WIFE: You kept screaming “no, no, no, no, no” in your sleep. What were you dreaming about? ME: a well balanced diet and exercise
@djdarrellripley: Her: Let's read your horoscope... Do you believe in astrology? Me: No. That's such a scam. Well, at least that's what my psychic says.