@candace_9871: Boss approaches, I frantically close my google image search of cats hugging, only to show a new window of cats in formal wear. I get fired.
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@botandy: when I see a Facebook relationship status 'it's complicated' I imagine love through wormholes over tens of thousands of years, alien biology
@salamingia: Don't you love it when you order salt at McDonald's and you accidentally get some fries!
@stephenjmolloy: Mugger: "Hand over your card and give me your PIN number!" Me: "My personal identification number number?" *he stabs me*