@fro_vo: *boss calls me into office*
"um but sir my name is--"
Be quiet you're "into office" now
@imadepoopstoday: Practicing parenthood on an egg only teaches kids that if you cook your baby it's delicious.
@ArfMeasures: ANAESTHETIST: Count backwards from 100
ME: ..3..2..1..um [looks round] now what?
ANAESTHETIST [muffled] You have to find me
@RedheadChaos: Him: What's your cup size?
@FeelingMervis: DATING TIP: Girls like bad boys! Brag about your Twitter gang.
@_Water_Baby: *Tinkerbell sprinkling pixie dust*
Remember Peter, give me a call if it last longer than 4 hours.