@fro_vo: *boss calls me into office*
"um but sir my name is--"
Be quiet you're "into office" now
@KevinFarzad: According to tinder, every guy is at a lake holding a fish & every girl is on top of a mountain & that's why it's so tragically hard to meet
@charliedelta7: I taught my 4yo how to spell 'beer' so he'll stop bringing me Pepsi from the fridge.
@ThaJawn: 4:*calls thing wrong name
4:*repeats wrong name
4:*maintains eye contact and repeats wrong name slowly
@davidkenny100: "The first guy to suggest peeing on a jellyfish sting was called a pervert but it worked"
I said to my wife as she complained of a toothache
@RappaRick: "My name is Robert and I support apples."
-- Bob for apples