@JasonLastname: [boss starts giggling uncontrollably during his presentation as I tickle a voodoo doll]
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@0point5twins: "Boss, I've got a probl-" "There are no such things as problems, only opportunities" "Oh, ok. I've got a serious drinking opportunity"
@FattMernandez: For my niece's 7th birthday, I'm filling a pinata with a smaller pinata. When she breaks it open I'm gonna yell "Oh God! She was pregnant!"
@amazymay72x: Her: I've had gray hairs since I was 16. Me: I got my grays after I got married. Hubs: I CAN HEAR YOU! Me: AND I LOVE MY GRAYS, HONEY!
@Dschnoeb: Just saw The Imitation Game & it was FILLED with historical inaccuracies about World War II. They don't even mention Captain America at all.