@JasonLastname: [boss starts giggling uncontrollably during his presentation as I tickle a voodoo doll]
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@bathflyer: My boss always calls me Sweetypie when he wants me to get him coffee..I estimate he's swallowed a bucket of my spit in the last 4 years..
@gorrdano: Pilot makes a sudden sharp turn, comes on speaker "Just kidding!! Attendants will be by with new underwear. Have a nice flight everybody."
@elle91: [At a bar] Guy: Did it hurt? Me: What? G: When you fell walking in. I saw you fall on your face. Everyone saw.
@LeaMehanna: I think my microwave's broken. I keep pressing the pizza button and no pizza is coming out