@JasonLastname: [boss starts giggling uncontrollably during his presentation as I tickle a voodoo doll]
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@DannyZuker: The most romantic restaurant in the world is not as dimly lit as the operating room on a TV medical drama.
@rolldiggity: ME: "Trick or bear?" NEIGHBOR: "Bear?" ME: "HE HAS CHOSEN THE BEAR!" [distant roar and sounds of clanking chains]
@disco_bird: For 10 years I believed my best friend was a mute, but it turns out that someone has just drawn a boy in the corner of my glasses.