@JasonLastname: [boss starts giggling uncontrollably during his presentation as I tickle a voodoo doll]
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@JohnLyonTweets: Her: You're an insensitive jerk. Me: Her: You only think about yourself. Me: Her: And your tweets aren't funny. Me: YOU TAKE THAT BACK!
@sofarrsogud: FRIEND. My daughter just hates her job ME: My dogter loves hers F: You mean dau.. ME: *shows her a pic of a puppy in scrubs* She's a dogtor
@skullmandible: ENGLAND: people are CROSSING OUR BORDERS for ECONOMIC ADVANCEMENT!!! THE ENTIRE GODDAMNED WORLD FROM LIKE 1583 to 1997: u don't say
@notnuthin: old lady: that's not necessary me: [installing twitter on her phone] look lady i carried your bags, the least u can do is follow me online