@dril: BOSS TELLS ME I CAN KISS MY FERRETS AT WORK, BUT NO OPEN MOUTH. I PUNCH THE FLOOR SO HARD HIS SCREEN SAVER DEACTIVATES
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@Jessdaisy: Being in your 40's is playing a constant game of, why does this hurt? Is the color of this ok? Where did this hair come from?
@Eric_Bader: I overheard someone say all Asians are ninjas. I would've told him how racist that sounded but he was black and I didn't want to get mugged.
@XplodingUnicorn: 4-year-old: What do you want for your birthday? Me: You could get me a “world’s best dad” mug. 4: You told me not to lie.
@A_SternMan: [interview] Your résumé says you have a "take no prisoners attitude". You know you are applying to be a corrections officer, right?