@mdob11: Boss: Why weren't you at work last week?
Me: Why are you living in the past?
@Scimommy: #MakeAFilmUncomfortable Four Wedgies and a Funeral
@abbycohenwl: "Where do people already feel awkward & uncomfortable?"
"K let's make 'em like that"
-- funeral home designers
@JaymayAllDay: You know what celebrity they should get for Dancing With the Stars? That plastic bag from American Beauty.
@ddsmidt: The person with duct tape holding most of their car together always has the right-of-way.
@buhsbaby_baby: If by "be (your) girlfriend" you mean "catch spiders and hide them in your pockets everyday" then yes, I'll be your girlfriend.