@mdob11: Boss: Why weren't you at work last week?
Me: Why are you living in the past?
@MarionDowling: Are you Eminem?
Let's find out...
@stevevsninjas: "This custard-filled donut will be bought... by a murderer!"
@WilliamRodgers: There's been a whole lot of office Romance since I became self employed...
@thatdutchperson: [at the gym]
PERSONAL TRAINER: have you exercised at all in the past?
*flashbacks to holding my gut in for the past ten years*
@Dildo_Hitler: Bruce Willis in Starbucks. he gives his name as "not Bruce Willis" and when they call him he grabs his coffee and runs away giggling