@Bollingmargaret: Bottom line: parenting interferes with my ability to be lazy.
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@internetluke: A modern recasting of Moses floating down a river in a wicker basket but it's a soccer mom forgetting her baby on the roof of her van.
@WheelTod: I like to stand by the side of the motorway holding a sign that says "If you were me, you'd be here now."
@Sean_Burgundy_: [1st date] Waiter: Can I get you a drink ma'am ? Me: Wow really bro right in front of me?
@DirtMcTurd: I don't need pepper spray to stop a mugger, I just open my wallet and blow the dust in their eyes.