@kelownagoose: Bought 17 a fanny pack for back to school to delay my becoming a grandfather too early.
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@o__0Dev: As a kid, I had to be careful not to curse around adults. Now as an adult, I have to be careful not to curse around kids.
@AnkCoupleTO: [skating together on a frozen pond] Her: Isn't this romantic? Me: *sees a 'danger thin ice' sign, makes a beeline for it* hell yeah
@AmandasNotFunny: I've always wanted to walk into a large room and be the most beautiful woman in there. But I'm scared of Walmarts :(
@GaryJanetti: Just saw you on the beach and think you might look better in something that covers you a bit more. Like your car.