@wolfpupy: bought a box of 100 crickets from the pet store and released them back into the ocean were they belong
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@Midgetspar: If I had a fake leg it would be a see-thru plastic one full of jelly beans and I'd only charge kids a dime for a handful like the old days.
@nonchalantnacho: Dear family, Since I am unemployed, for Christmas you have a choice of a hug or I'll rap Eminem songs for 5 minutes for you. Love, Danielle
@pleatedjeans: Always live on the bottom floor it's further from heaven and harder for God to see you sinning
@sixfootcandy: [Approaches table] Me: Can I buy you a drink? Him: This is an AA meeting. Me: Oh, I'm sorry. Can I buy you some drugs?