@WilliamAder: Bought a cat collar with a bell on it, and now I can't sneak up on the cat to put it on her.
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@Douchekevin: She blindfolded me and said she was going to put heaven on my lips. I asked what kind of pizza it was. I woke up outside with a concussion
@MacAnnabella: I don't want to hear about any moonlit romantic walks on the beach...unless there's a clown with a wooden club chasing you.
@ShesARealGenius: Sardine Wife: "What's wrong?" Sardine Husband: "I just need some space, Linda." Sardine Wife: "WHERE EXACTLY SHOULD I GO, KENNETH"