@dxblarssonENG: Bought a water at the airport and now one of my kids can't go to college.
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@yoyoha: Went to the hospital to wish a pregnant lady giving birth a Happy Labor Day and she ripped my throat out :(
@UnFitz: We're at the top of the food chain, but let's not be too full of ourselves. After all, some of us can be felled by a single peanut.
@ValeeGrrl: [House Hunters episode] HUSBAND: I'm a freelance hamster trainer WIFE: And I tune harmonicas part-time HUSBAND: Our budget is $950K
@ericsshadow: A 41 year old gymnast is competing in her 7th Olympics. I just texted my son and offered him $5 to come downstairs and hand me the remote.