@dxblarssonENG: Bought a water at the airport and now one of my kids can't go to college.
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@david8hughes: Midwife [handing my baby]: make sure you support his head Me: that's a really great, floppy little head you've got there. Well done
@MsFoxIfUrNasty: *pinching bridge of my nose* Kid, the sky is blue because it's made of dead Smurfs, okay? Believe me, I don't like it either.
@snack_lord: Spider Can, Spider Can, bunch of spiders in a can. Shake it up, spiders mad, open it, they bite your hand. Look out! I have a spider can
@DaddyJew: Don't get mad. Get odd. Like incredibly odd. Show up in a clown suit to their work. Draw potatoes on all their mirrors. Make them be afraid.