@Brianhopecomedy: Bought an ice cream cake and the cashier told me to keep it in the freezer until serving as it will melt. I gotta start dressing smarter.
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@truegritrumble: ME: *taking their hand* It's okay. We all struggle with connecting. RABBID RACCOON: *hissing & desperately trying to wrench its hand free*
@Aaerios: Dropping the shampoo bottle in the shower is the most violent sound ever. "U OK in there? Sounds like a Michael Bay film in that bathroom!"
@mayamanion: Who needs whips and chains? Christian should have had Ana read Fifty Shades of Grey if he wanted to torture her.