@haleysfalling: bought candy at the movies and suddenly i can't pay this months rent anymore
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@DillDoes: [Bar] "What'll you have" Scotch "You want it neat" No thanks *bartender throws some crumbs and hair in my whisky* Thanks
@CulturedRuffian: INTERVIEWER: What are your skills? BATMAN: I right things. I: What do you write? B: I Right People's Wrongs. I: Oh so you're an editor?
@carlyken: [interview at winery] What strengths do you bring to the job? *long pause while Jesus glares at interviewer* Are you being serious right now