@Leemanish: Bought the cheapest possible Mercedes yesterday 'cause I needed to use the bathroom at the dealership.
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@bea_ker: [with father in law] "You know how to pluck a goose, son?" Er yes sir, sure do *stretches goose's neck and plays it like a double bass*
@DaHess1: Shout out to bicyclists that yell "on your left" as they pass me so I know which arm to clothesline them with.
@girl_a_whirl: A bird in the... *BLOCKED* Birds of ... *BLOCKED The early bird catches the wo...*BLOCKED & REPORTED FOR ABUSIVE CONTENT -worms on Twitter