@YoungFunE: Bought the 'Sounds of the Rainforest' cd, not as relaxing as I hoped. The 1st half was birds chirping, rest was chainsaws and bulldozers
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@RoosterMustache: HER: I love sweater weather ME: *holding up an umbrella to protect us from falling sweaters* It's that time of year again already?!
@brakco: I thought I just had a bad headache but according to WebMD I'm a conjoined twin slowly dying from jaundice.
@alexlumaga: Cow Scientist: Sir, we’ve discovered a deadly aMOOOba infecting our milk. It has a very high MOOOtality rate and it’s rapidly MOOOtating Cow President: *grimly* Holy cow
@ElgatoEsmio: [DUI checkpoint] Cop: I'm gonna need you to follow my finger Me: As long as it doesn't tweet inspirational stuff