@atstephenbell: bowie leaves us and then a 9th planet appears, i don't need to read your science article
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@panmidwest: [first date] HER: if you had to give up one of your senses which one would you choose? ME: definitely my ability to see dead people. HER:
@IamJackBoot: Scurrying around in your socks, holding your beltless trousers up: airport security is like a weird, brief slumber party in the middle of the day with a bunch of strangers.
@AtticusFinch79: Robber: This is a stick up Me: *clears throat* I'll stick up for Larry. Pat called him an idiot earlier and although it's true, it was mean
@abbycohenwl: "It's a banana in my pocket" "May I remind the defendant that he's under oath?" *averts eyes* "I'm glad to see you"