@iLikeCatShirts: Boxing is like a dance, a dance where you punch your dance partner until he doesn't want to dance anymore.
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@SpencerLenox: A mattress will double in weight after six years, just like everything else I sleep with!
@AdriannaLaCervx: This whole "parenting a teenager" thing isn't really working out. I'm going to tell him I just want to be friends.
@bees_wingz: I was trying to get the bubbles out of my screen protector and I accidentally bought a horse on eBay.
@NotThatKevin: I said my wife's name three times in front of the bathroom mirror and now my wallet's empty...