@iLikeCatShirts: Boxing is like a dance, a dance where you punch your dance partner until he doesn't want to dance anymore.
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@djdarrellripley: Her: What are you reading? Me: "Sex and the Single Guy." Her: What's that about? Me: (Pause) Church architecture.
@UNTRESOR: "Sorry, boss. I can't come in today." "Why not?" [fakes a sore throat] "I'm in jail for vehicular manslaughter."
@Carbosly: Gluten-free, low salt, no sugar all-natural whole grain bread? The only thing "natural" about this product is the urge to get away from it.
@ISOremarkable: "on your left u see fred in camo, on your right is bertha, she has ridden many miles on that electric cart." If walmart had tour guides.