@KattsDogma: Boy, are you a destination wedding? Cuz I can't come.
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@DirtMcTurd: When I meet someone new I shake their hand really fast and whisper "yes, please don't stop" because people need to learn not to talk to me.
@JumbledButts: Prison Guard: "So you two cons are in love?" Con1: "Yes." Con2: "It's like we finish each other's..." *in unison* "death sentences."