@KattsDogma: Boy, are you a destination wedding? Cuz I can't come.
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@patrickmarkryan: You're not impressing anyone, people who put a comma before the person's name when wishing them a happy birthday on Facebook
@Sean_Burgundy_: I'd probably have more friends if I didn't answer every call with "Why did you save my number?"
@MondayPajamas: Girl, you don't even know how crazy I am about you.... I'm thinking about digging my mom up so she can meet you.