@cjwerleman: Boy, ISIS are going to be pissed when they find out New Atheists talk about God more than them.
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@novicefather: Autocorrect changed "killing spree" to "killing soirée" so bring your finest evening attire because murder can be classy.
@JaneBadall: In retrospect, the kidnapping was going according to plan until I blew my nose on the rag I'd soaked with chloroform.
@matt___nelson: "I think you'll like her. She's smart, funny, and a libra" I've never met a libra *is super disappointed when date isn't a lion zebra mix*