@thewordy: boys love mysterious girls so don't be afraid to show up to dates with a shovel and a smear of fresh blood on your collar
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@Macar00ny: The first time a girl walked up to me and gave me her number I didn't know what to do so I ate it.
@ajax06: My favorite thing to say to old people is, "When I was your age I didn't believe in reincarnation either".
@charliedelta7: I taught my son how to spell beer so he'd stop bringing me Pepsi from the fridge.