@zoebread: brace yourselves, the orthodontist just died
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@robfee: Cons of being on The Walking Dead: Almost everyone you know is dead & the world is a desolate zombie wasteland Pros: No more Adobe updates!
@chuuew: [Justice League HQ] SUPERMAN: Looks like Batman is hungry tonight MOTHMAN: [visibly sweating] I think I'll just fight daytime crimes
@StymieBrewer: Today I accidentally dropped my sunglasses into the toilet and flushed them. Tomorrow a very cool alligator will rule the sewers.
@JasonLastname: The best trick to ordering pizza is asking them not to cut it. By law, they can only charge you for one slice.