@AbbyHasIssues: I just typed "cupkale" instead of "cupcake" and accidentally invented what has to be the worst dessert idea ever.

@3sunzzz: I love showering with my husband. There's nothing more intimate during sex than discussing water temperature.

@SteveDutzy: Luigi: You got your own land, world & galaxy. Can I have Mario Mansion? Mario: ok fine [under breath] gonna put a bunch of ghosts in it tho

@Browtweaten: A crowd gathered in a circle, yelling "FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT" but in the middle it's me trying to button my pants

@myles_morrison: Two men came to the door asking if I'd found Jesus. I said "Hell no. I don't want to have to spend my weekends bothering people at home."