@Jesssicle: Bragging about how much you receive in alimony only demonstrates how much someone was willing to pay to get rid of you.
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@AristotlesNZ: 3yo just yelled "face-five!" & slapped his brother in the face. I'm totally using that at work tomorrow.
@batkaren: I always date mathematicians. That way when they ask why I'm breaking up w/them I can say DO THE MATH JERRY. Oh yeah & I always date Jerries
@UncleDuke1969: [office] Me: Happy Black Friday! Latisha: … Me: I made a cake! Latisha: … Me: … Latisha: … Me: … Latisha: … Me: It’s chocolate.
@SteveHuff: People are so wary of technology still. I grew up living directly under high power lines & only have 1 sentient mole that orders me to kill.