@Jesssicle: Bragging about how much you receive in alimony only demonstrates how much someone was willing to pay to get rid of you.
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@david8hughes: "Write this down." [Moses grabs tablet] "Thou shalt not steal [raises eyebrow] where did you get that tablet from?"
@mackswift: Ladies, not every guy who talks to you wants to bang you. Some of us know that you have snacks in your purse.
@autocorrects: Do I turn left when nothing is right? Or do I turn right when there's nothing left?