@Jesssicle: Bragging about how much you receive in alimony only demonstrates how much someone was willing to pay to get rid of you.
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@RandomManik: Fool me Once - Shame on You. Fool me Twice- Shame on Me. Fool me Thrice- What are you, a Nigerian Scamster?
@Nahdude83: Joe: If you love it so much why don't you marry it? Jim: Hmm [Two weeks later] Jim: Meet my new wife! *holds up Joe's wife's potato salad*
@KimmyMonte: If Disney has taught us anything it's that if you tie enough balloons to your house, you will eventually find a dog.
@rumsnipe: Mechanic : your motor is losing power and it won't last long. Me : you been talking to my wife bro?