@hellolanemoore: yeah well i hope you go to put your hair in a ponytail but the hair tie is too loose to hold it & not big enough to tie it another time

@davidkenny100: About to hit the ball Boss: you said you'd played before? Me: uh yes Boss: that's a putter Me: Is that wrong? Boss: wrong for squash yes

@daemonic3: What idiot called it jousting and not poker knight?

@alldrolledup: when your neighbor cuts his grass and suddenly your place looks like a good place to score meth

@AntiJokeCat: Mary had a little lamb. The doctor fainted.