@ChipKellysBalls: It should be a rule that if you're going to put you kid on a leash, you can't be mad if someone walks up, asks if they bite, and pets them

@theshantilly: My whole life is that moment when you send an important e-mail mentioning an attachment without the actual attachment.

@DanKCharnley: You are what you eat. *eats Ryan Gosling* *crosses fingers*

@garrettbarry70: Imagine meeting the girl of your dreams and then finding out that she eats spaghetti with a knife.

@JustHadOneJob: How not to sell a phone - Level 100